…so…you’re wondering why I chopped my hair off?

I’ve received a lot of questions regarding my choice of cutting my hair.  I’ve been natural for six years now and I guess everyone was accustomed to seeing me with long hair.  Truth is, I was never satisfied with it.  Of course, I was excited to see my hair gain lengths that I haven’t seen in years, but, I always felt like a short haired girl.  Being honest with you guys, that was the real reason I wore a short haired wig on the weekends.

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                A lot of you guys will never understand why I love short hair.  It seems as if these days, we are chasing the long hair dream: let’s go natural to see how long our hair can grow; let’s aspire to have as much hair as possible; let’s get a long and flowing sew in because it makes us feel feminine.  I guess, as always, I feel opposite than everyone else.  We each have the one thing that makes us feel good about ourselves and for me; it was my hair being short.  I’m not saying anything about my longer haired girls…I was doing that for over 4 years.  I just became tired of it.  I didn’t like the maintenance.  I didn’t feel like it was my style.

                There were also other things that happened to me during the years that were symbolic of cutting my hair.  Cutting my hair was symbolic of letting go of things that I had to let go of that kept me in the same place that I’ve been for so long.  After I decided to let go, good things began to happen to me.  I was admitted into LSU’s Master of Library and Information Science program, my professional pursuits are coming toward fruition, I was able to purchase a new car and begin work on my home, I finally began my plant-based diet and am able to get my blood glucose numbers within control.  I had to let go of a lot of thoughts and feelings that held me back in the past.  My hair was one of the things that were holding me back symbolically.  If anyone knows what I mean, then you know why I did it.  I feel like Kimba…I feel free.  I feel like I can conquer anything.

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                Cutting my hair also forced me to look at myself and know that I am beautiful.  I did not have long hair to hide behind.  You can actually see my face.  I feel more confident now…and since I’ve cut my hair, I get compliments every day about how I look.  LOL.  You guys know that I do not fish for compliments, but now that I am getting them more than I was before, I have confirmation that this was a good choice.

                At the end of the day, I don’t care about the negative comments that I receive about cutting all of my hair off.  I know that I have to live with myself and I have to do things that make me happy.  I think that we get so caught up with trying to impress other people; we forget that we need to take care of our mental selves.  If you are happy with who you are and how you do things and if it is a legitimate form of doing things, then you need to do what makes you happy despite  what the masses think.  Embarking on your natural hair journey should not be a race to obtain the longest hair; it should be a choice that you make because you are satisfied with your natural beauty.  Naturals should not try to conform other naturals to our ideals of beauty…that is hypocritical to the very reason we started on this journey.  We should embrace every natural and not be swift to negativity because one person does not think the way that we do.  In short, that’s how you turn people off and create a negative experience for the one person who needed the positivity the most.

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                I’ll just be frank with everyone.  I’ll preface by saying I love you guys…but I love my hair the way it is, and negative comments about my flat top fade or shaved head will not do anything to change my mind about my hair.  I’m happy now and that’s all that matters.  When you keep digging into others for something that they are doing, you need to reflect internally to see why you have this problem.  Usually, it’s something that’s within you that you are not satisfied with.  If that is the case, strive for satisfaction for self and you will see that is the key to happiness.

Until Next Time,

What I’m Currently Listening To

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So, I Just Realized…My Protective Style Wasn’t so … Protective

                I needed to do something with my hair quickly because I work out more than 4 times a week. I was sweating up a storm, going home and co-washing and making my hair thin and brittle. I had no idea that my hair didn’t like sweat and then conditioner until I got into the habit of making that a routine…sweat…then conditioner…and then sweat again…then conditioner. I had enough. I was tired, doing too much between work, UrbanistaNoir and working out. I had to do something. I engaged Chawana and told her I wanted to get the crochet braids protective style in my hair. I would wear my hair in this style for about two months and not have to worry.

                Well, I did. LOL. (And first of all, the hair that I picked was horrible. It was dry and very tangled. I guess I will review the hair in a later post because despite how horrible it was at first, it ended up looking great and being eventually manageable.) So Chawana and I got together on a Saturday and installed the crochet braids. Everything was fine until we started trying to untangle that braid hair. It was so dry and kinky. After installation, my scalp would itch and I was in a conundrum. Should I just pat my head until the itchy feeling goes away, or should I throw away hours of time spent installing this style and remove the hair? I decided to go against my better judgment and continue with wearing the style, hoping that my scalp would stop itching. It did…but I continued working out and sweating every day and I had no idea that my hair was suffering in the protective style.

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                About a month in a half later, my hair looked like it was growing out of the style, the braids pushing my hair forward and making it more difficult to wear. I finally sat down on a Friday evening and removed the hair. Once I went through the task of removing all of the hair and my shed hair, I noticed that my hair was brittle and soft. I put a protein treatment in, then a deep conditioning treatment. My hair was still soft, dry and brittle. So now, here I am with brittle hair and I am contemplating a big chop. I think I would love a short haircut…but I don’t know. Summer is coming and I know that short hair would be a nice choice. I also don’t want to throw away a lot of hair growth that I’ve accomplished.

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                At the end, I need to realize that hair is just that… It won’t make me or break me…but the decision is still looming in my head. LOL.

                I did learn my lesson though, my hair likes protective styles, but ones that can be manipulated or taken down when they need to be. I am good with twists and roll tuck and pin styles, braid ups and corn rolls.

Will do the crochet braids style again? I have no idea, but at the present time…I have to say… NO.

                I’ll let you guys know what I decide to do with my hair.

Until Next Time

What I’m Currently Listening To:

Oh No, My Curls Were Dripping

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So Saturday before last—the same day that I took out my twists, I decided to wash and deep condition my hair. It was past time for a good cleansing wash and my hair needed conditioning badly because it was wrapped up in twists for a few weeks. I had an engagement to go to, so I decided to wear my hair in a wash and go. I thought it would be pretty simple and was until I saw oil on the headrest of my car seat and on the back of my sweater.

I don’t know what was going on. I went crazy and liberally sprayed tons of Coconut Hair Glosser on my hair before I left. I had no idea why. My hair was super moisturized and all I needed was a spray here and there. I guess I got lost in my thoughts and just kept spraying until my hair resembled a Jheri Curl. Yes…it did.

Now at first, I was fooled because since I was wearing a wash and go, I thought my hair was still wet, but during dinner with my friends, I felt drips of oil gliding down the side of my face. Later a drop fell into my lap. After that, on the corner of my eye, I saw a drop of oil hanging off of the bottom of one of my curls.

Enough was enough. I excused myself to the bathroom and sopped my hair with a paper towel. As I crunched the towel between my curls, it became soaked with oil. At that point, I knew I went overboard with the product. I rubbed my hands together and prayed I wouldn’t drip the night away in front of my friends.

I had a few more drops of oil fall later on that evening. After the last known drip, I had an epiphany: I knew next time; less is more (especially in some cases—especially with natural hair products). I learned a lesson that night. Sometimes we think that globs and globs of a product will work wonders on our hair when we only need a little bit to do the job. It prevents us from being wasteful and to have to suffer from the drippy mess of hair that didn’t go away until 3 days after my wash and go.

Have you had times where you’ve used too much product in the past?

Until next time!

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I Like Big Minds and I Cannot Lie…

As I watched my hair fall to the ground during my big chop, I suddenly felt as if I was awakened. I guess it was an epiphany or as I like to say, ‘a great awakening’. I knew that it was going to be a struggle ahead—learning to love myself for who I was and not conforming to what society wanted me to be. I knew that I would have to learn to love my puffy edges, and my short hair cut. I knew that some people would not like or accept my decision—but my decision was all mine and I was finally happy with who I was. I also started to gain a larger self-respect for not only myself but for women in general. I’ve always hoarded feminist values and a feminist mindset—but the day that I chopped my hair off was one of those days where I finally learned that I was not making a decision that involved forcing myself into self acceptance, I was forcing others to see that I would no longer be objectified or placed into standards that would allow myself to be treated as an object.

I say this because this morning, I was driving to work, and turned on the radio to hear songs on 3 different stations: (one R&B and two Hip Hop) that played songs (all at the same time mind you) that blatantly objectified women. I was totally in a good mood…jumped in the car with my Ninja Bun, Geek Glasses and dark purple lipstick on…feeling good..feeling great…feelin great…feelin good…until I turned on the radio to hear a song dedicated to the strip club and big booties. I quickly changed the station to hear that one guy was rapping that when he died, he wanted to be buried in a ‘big booty club’…so I changed the station again, to hear the same song ending. That killed my mood quickly. I mean, are these rappers so untalented that they have to keep rapping about women’s body parts? Part of the creativity of rap and Hip Hop back in the day was to have rhymes and lyrics that were different and that presented a way of life that was going on at the time. It was not (all)blatantly objectifying women who could be these guy’s mothers, sisters, daughters, cousins…etc… Why do we allow ourselves first as people and second as women to poison our minds and the minds of our children with music that objectifies women to a point where women listen to this JUNK and are complacent with the lyrics? Young women especially partake in this music and believe that a big booty is the only way they can get ahead in life. They believe that the only way they can find companionship is to objectify their body parts and celebrate in this objectification through music, clothing and sometimes hair so they could be treated seriously by men who do nothing but use a viable art form such as music as a catalyst for degrading not only women but their own intelligence as well.

Naturals, I am saying to you…the things that we take in are parallel to the things that we take into our bodies and put on our hair. If we keep putting junk into our bodies or putting junky products on our hair; our bodies and hair will not flourish because we keep feeding ourselves with JUNK. If we keep subjecting ourselves to junky music, junky entertainment and junky people, we will not grow as individuals because we keep subjecting ourselves to … Junk. As women (natural or not) we should hold a higher standard for the things that we allow and things that we allow our daughters to listen to. If I ever have a daughter, that kind of music will be banned from the household (it already is) and I will continue to teach her that she is not a body– she is viable as a mind and a creative. …that if she hears that trash on the street or at school or on the school bus, she should just ignore it and remember that as women, we have more to offer the world than our bodies. Young women need to grasp that early on in life. The future of our world is not in a big butt or trashy music that celebrates big butts, but in a flourishing mind and creative hands.

Until Next Time

I Am an Almighty Woman…Especially in the Work Place

As most of you already know, I work in a call center where the majority of employees are black and female.  You would think this would be a good thing for me—being a majority so to speak in a conservative city where I am a minority; but when I think about the dynamics of my specific position, I am a minority and some attitudes from my white male counterparts rub me the wrong way.  Now, I am open to write this to you because I am totally aware that my white male counterparts will not be caught dead reading FleurdeCurl unless they were spying on me, but I know to them, I am not of such importance, so what I am about to divulge will be for the whole wide web to read–with the exception of some people. You know, sometimes I think that most of them are my friends, who I respect, but  they constantly offend me on a daily basis with their attitudes about things regarding women and black women in general.

                I will preface by again sharing with you that although my work environment has a majority of black females working, the specialty group that I work in only consists of white males.  I am in a group of 4 people and I am the only female and I am the only minority.  It’s so good; my manager is a white male.  So I guess you can imagine what’s going on daily.  I will begin with the current insults: the assumption that I do not work overtime voluntarily (like all of the other white males on the team) because I have no work ethic. When they present this to me, I think they believe that I have no work ethic because I am—first black—second female.  What they fail to realize is that I never stop working.  At one point, I was hustling 3 jobs at one specific time of my employment there.  I would leave work and work two other jobs in the evenings or the weekends.  Before this voluntary overtime was presented, I would get off of work, go home and create things to stock in my upcoming Etsy store and get my inventory ready for the trade show that I am attending next month.  I am not going home and waiting on the government to supplement my income.  In fact, I have no children, so instead of the government supplementing my income—they are taxing more of it…more of it to where I have to find side hustles to get the money back that they are taking away from me.  So when I get the business regarding my lack of work ethic, I would really like for them to take a look at the amount of work that I do during my straight time at work plus the amount of work that I produce after I get off compared to their ‘overtime’. 

                The second thing that I get harassed about is my being involved with the arts of voodoo, being a ‘voodoo priestess’, or being called a ‘shady lady’.  Now, these males may think it’s funny to say such things in a ‘joking’ manner but they need to understand that making jokes that typically are a stereotype for a specific group of people is not funny…especially when you are joking with that specific group of people.  I never hear them calling any white women voodoo priestesses so why are you calling me this?  I was called this today and became angry, reminded this specific male that I was the only black female on the team and threatened him with a call to HR.  You wonder why I did such a thing if he was only ‘joking’?  I was very offended and tired of the lame joke.  I am not involved with the art of Voodoo and even if I was, is that a topic that we should indulge in at work? Especially when you are screaming it loudly for other co-workers to hear?

 

I am going off…

                Now, the thing that bothers me the most is the fact that it is automatically assumed that I am not capable of doing certain things.  I do not have the capacity to complete certain projects.  When there was another female in this group that I am in, she was treated the same way and she is white, so I am concluding that because I am a female, I cannot complete technical tasks.  This is strange because I was first moved to this group because of my technical ability.  The funniest part about the whole situation is when I get into technical specifics with these males that go over their heads—like talking about how I created a dual-boot on my home laptop with Linux Ubuntu and Windows 7—they immediately change the subject and ignore what I’m saying.  Why is it ok for them to brag about their technical abilities, but when I do, it falls on deaf ears?  There are so many projects and special activities that I am overlooked for because they believe I do not have the capability to complete such tasks.  First of all, I can write the hell out of a complete sentence…and they usually make sense.  Number two, I have a college degree—which I obtained with a 3.1 GPA…number 3, I’ve been working at this job for almost 8 years…I am just competent, educated, and smart as you are.  I do not need to constantly run around and boast my abilities.  My work shows for itself.  I guess it’s just thrown under a blanket because people assume I am not capable because I am first a female…and then I’m a black female.  Or, they may be intimidated by my abilities and are fearful that I will succeed and ‘show them up’.

                Now, you may be saying, why do I feel such ways?  Simply put, I am outnumbered.  The behavior from 75% of the group that I work in treat me in a specific manner.  They ‘joke’ about things that offend me and when I call attention to it, they are the ones that take the most offense.  The treat me like I am afflicted with the angry black woman syndrome or I am suffering from PMS…or both at the same time.  I mean, dude, you just called me a voodoo priestess, how am I supposed to feel? So I digress…

My whole point for sharing this with you is to tell you that even thought some people may try to say you are not capable…they may make you feel like you are not smart or competent enough to fulfill important tasks…they make you feel like you cannot do anything right because you are a female…

(This is for my women, my minority women, my minority naturalistas…)

 

Just show them that you can.  Keep doing your best.  Ignore the negativity…

 

Success is the best form of ‘showin’ em…

 

The best part about Kimba is the fact that I am a female.  I will never allow a male (or anyone else of that matter) to tell me any other way.  I will not allow this behavior to ruin my spirit…

I just had to vent to my readers and throw out a PSA at the same time. 

 

Until Next Time  ♥